Are you an educator or a marketeer?
-
- March
- 27
That was the question posed to a room full of local guidance counselors yesterday in White Plains. “Marilee Jones, dean of admissions at MIT,”:http://www.mitadmissions.org/Marilee.shtml urged her audience to be the former, not the latter, because competitiveness in education is tormenting American kids like never before.
A whole generation, she said, is being raised to please adults. Hence school districts’ practice of publicizing how many students got into Ivy League colleges and who made the Honor Roll. And hence the stress.
“It’s nobody’s business how these kids do in school!” Jones fairly shouted during a lively talk at Graziella’s restaurant. The cumulative effect of such adult-driven hype, she said, is causing symptoms ranging from depression to acid reflux to eating and sleeping disorders among children. Jones proclaimed today’s young people “the most anxious, sleep-deprived, judged and tested, poorly nourished generation.”
Jones had some advice for parents, and particularly for families facing acceptance and rejection letters from colleges this week:
First off, confront your own anxiety and grief; don’t put it on your kids. As Jones put it, “become the shoreline,” a place of safety and stability around which your child can navigate.
Second, be like a good parent at a soccer game: cheer your children on, and stay behind the white line. Don’t be the one asking all the questions when you go on a college tour. Hands off your child’s college application essay, and don’t open the college mail. Beware of using “we,” as in, “we want to apply to Columbia.”
Mind you, these comments came from someone at the “Massachusetts Institute of Technology,”:http://www.mit.edu/ a school not known for slackers. Jones emphasized a nurturing approach to education over a competitive one. That means allowing for downtime, and not a packed schedule of activities.
She spoke up for loners, the ones who use their imagination and become pioneers in science. They’re an endangered species these days, she said, and they’re getting medicated. “Love them for who they are,” Jones said.
This entry was posted
on Tuesday, March 27th, 2007 at 3:16 pm by Leah Rae.
You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.
Print This Post
| 
Email This Post
I have gone through the admissions process with 2 children: one is a music performance major which required auditions at each school (9) and one a merit finalist who wanted to go to a top-notch liberal arts college. The process was grueling for both the parents and the students. Their mother and I tried to divide the duties evenly and allow the students to make the final decision. We felt it was important for the child to “own” the final decision. We discussed the financial angle of each of the aide packages. Ultimately both came to very wise decisions and have been successful.
My best advise for parents in the search process is to be proactive without being decisive. It is a tough formula, but the kid needs to have a say. Obviously money is an issue in most families decisions and the kid needs to be aware of how that may limit the choices.
If the school decision ends up being a wrong one, it is part of the learning experience. Likewise if it is a great fit, it is even better if the student was the decision maker and not the parent. We need to let our kids learn to make big decisions and live with the consequences. Otherwise they will never leave home…...NNNNOOOOOOOOO!
I remember some college visits where the parents were offered the opportunity to do one activity while the perspective students were offered another. My daughter and I were apalled at the parents who kept their children with them and the students who opted to stay with their parents. I guess they felt they couldn’t make decisions on their own.
Guess what mom and dad, you child is heading to college and you aren’t. Let them do the research and the applications. Yes, you will accompany them on visits and try to encourage them to talk about what they think of the place after the visit. An occasional reminder about deadlines is always helpful but don’t do it for them. It won’t do anyone any good. This is the first big step into adulthood.
My children didn’t get in to every school they sent an application to, but they had great choices. I sometimes think they were most anxious deciding where to go once they had their offers. As parents we listened, advised them to list pros and cons and discussed finances, but ultimately the decision was theirs. That is how it should be. I hope no one looks at me as a “helicopter parent”. I’ve seen and heard of many but I try not to be one.
Here are some stats on the stresses she was talking about. The Princeton Review just released its annual “College Hopes and Worries” survey of students and parents:
– 65% report high levels of stress about college applications (up 6% from last year)
– 70% expect the cost of the degree to exceed $75,000
– 51% say getting financial aid will be “extremely necessary” to pay for college: 27% say “very necessary”
– 32% say their biggest worry about applying to college is that they/their child “will get into their first choice college, but won’t have sufficient funds/financial aid to attend it.” – The plurality of respondents selected that answer from four choices. In last year’s survey, the plurality (34%) selected the answer “won’t get into first-choice college” as their biggest concern.
Speaking of helicopter parents, here’s another perspective, from the College Board, sponsor of the SATs: “National Survey Finds Many Students Want Their Parents to Be More Involved in College Planning;
‘Helicopter Parents’ Less Prevalent than Reported.” The board says parents have to strike a healthy balance when it comes to their involvement.
The poll is here: http://www.collegeboard.com/press/releases/155116.html
And a “Helicopter Parent Quiz” is here: http://www.collegeboard.com/parent_quiz/155044.html
Hah! The College Board thinks I struck a good balance when my kids were doing college planning.
that quiz is hilarious.
The “Helicopter” parent is an invention of parents who are jealous of parents and kids who have a great relationship in order to make us feel guilty as they do over their poor parenting skills. It is also used to separate parents from kids in High School in order to ensure there is no unified face to present when demanding an education. The true prototypical helicopter parent is rare.